The Boss

2038-01-19T03:14:07Z

It's my day off. I'm at home, finishing Internet, when I get a call by my boss a half past closing.

Me: Hey, it's me. Are you on fire?*

Big M: What? No. I'm locked in the office.

Me: That's almost on fire. How'd you get locked in the office?

Big M: I forgot my car keys at home.

Me: How'd you get to the office in the first place?

Big M: I used my spare keys.

Me: And Papa Feo locked you in because you used your spare keys?

Big M: No, I left my spare keys in my car, and the office key is with my spare.

Me: [Silently contemplating stealing and selling the bosses car.]

Big M: Are you home?

Me: ... Yeah.

Big M: Are you busy?

Me: [sigh] Not really. I'm waiting for the evening to begin. Big Plans. Concerts. Far away in LA.

Big M: Oh. Do you have time to come and let me out?

Me: The keys to both your car and the office are in your car?

Big M: Yeah. I left them there so I wouldn't get them locked in the office.

Me: That makes a lot of sense.

Big M: So like, Ten Minutes? I just gotta finish up.

Me: I don't want to know what you have to finish. I'll be there in fifteen.

* "Are you on Fire?" is my customary question to a caller when I feel that their call is interrupting something they should know better than to interrupt. Significant Others calling while I'm at work just to say "I love you," family members calling while I'm at work or with a significant other to remind me to call them back, drug dealers calling EVER to tell me I still owe them money. All of these people are greeted with "Are you on fire?" to signify the level of distress I require them to be in to be interrupting whatever I may be doing. I have a new one now; Employers calling after hours for ANY REASON WHATSOEVER shall be met with the same question.

mono_blanco

The Boss